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Why I Stopped Writng

Why I stopped writing……

My mom has been here visiting from Alaska for the last few weeks.

But her presence is not why I stopped writing.

If you don’t live in Oklahoma, you’ve probably still seen the crazy weather pattern we were in during the month of May. It seems that every other evening was spent glued to a news program watching for the right time to head to a storm shelter. That is a lot of time and stress.

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But the wild weather is not why I stopped writing.

It seems I was all over the place in the month of May. I felt as if I didn’t sit still at all. When I did sit still, it was all I could do to keep my eyes open.

Lack of time and energy is not why I stopped writing.

I was convinced to try that devil game called Candy Crush. It’s insane playability has taken a ridiculous portion of my day. I have to say, “My name is Phil, and I’m a Candy Crushaholic.”

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My addictive personality is not why I stopped writing.

The truth is none of these things and all of these things are the reason I stopped writing. However, the real source is a level of stress I’ve never known before; and I haven’t known what to say or how to write about it or through it. I hate to even mention it, because I personally know of people going through a lot heavier things at the moment.

If anything, the month of May has taught me that I haven’t gotten a complete understanding yet. How it doesn’t matter how many times you hear or quote a certain truth from scripture. Even if you’ve lived it the majority of your life, there’s still a daily choice to accept the truth for that day.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6, 7)

If you have a day where the peace that surpasses all understanding isn’t evident in your life, look at the decisions you made that day; look at the things that you decided were true. Did you decide that your circumstance was worth being anxious over? Did you accept that not everything should be submitted in prayer and supplication with thanksgiving for that time?

Truth be told, I have been anxious about a lot if things lately. It got to the point in early May that I started having panic attacks. I didn’t know what they were at first and I certainly didn’t like them. Circumstances in my life may have been big and a bit daunting, but they never had the right or authority to take away the peace in my life. No matter what new wave or storm came my way, I still had the choice to walk upon the water or let myself drown amidst them.

I’m so thankful that the first time or even the five hundredth time we get overwhelmed isn’t the end. I found the outstretched hand of the Savior in each moment I found myself sinking. I found solid advice from those closest to me. I remembered those familiar verses and that I have a daily choice to walk in peace despite my surroundings. Yea though I walk through this valley, I fear no evil.

I stopped writing because I didn’t want this site to become a place of doom and gloom. I’m picking it back up because I want to share what I have learned through these times of stress and anxiety. Be anxious of nothing doesn’t mean that there won’t be things to be anxious about; it means to choose something greater and rise above those anxious thoughts.

Many if you know the reason my mom is here and I ask for your continued prayers. For those of you reading who do not know, I will just say that she has had some health issues that she is being treated for. I am thankful for prayers and words of life that are spoken over her. She is doing well and we believe she continues to do so.

So what have I missed? 🙂

 

Top 3 songs

1. Crooked Still “Peace of the Wild Things/Dayblind”

2. Joy Kills Sorrow “Books”

3. Matthew Perryman Jones “Waking Up the Dead”

6 Responses to “Why I Stopped Writng”

  1. Susan Taylor says:

    I can relate to the struggle to find a balance between being transparent and keeping things positive. When I saw your title, I thought that it sounded like a good post for my blog, too, as I have not blogged since April. Thanks for posting and sharing what has been happening.

    • philip says:

      Thanks Susan, I’ll look forward to reading your next post. I always like your take on things, and enjoy keeping up with you 🙂

  2. 1) Praying for you and the many valid reasons you have to feel stressed of late.
    2) Regardless of why you stopped, I’m glad you’re back.
    3) Thanks for being awesome. I will keep it a mystery for now, but you’ve inspired an upcoming blog post. Not sure when I’ll get to it, but likely in the next few weeks. So thanks, Phil.
    Stephen Haggerty recently posted..Manly Wedding TipsMy Profile

    • philip says:

      Thanks man, I receive those prayers and I’m happy to be back writing. Can’t wait to read what I may have inspired in you. 🙂

  3. I definitely know what you mean. One of the things I’m still learning of late is that I have to own up to how I feel so God can help me. The more I keep denying or delaying it, the worse the fallout. I would say, “this is stupid. I shouldn’t feel this way. I shouldn’t be anxious” or whatever else like that. It’s dumb because that’s how I feel! David was pretty transparent in a lot of his psalms and usually somehow by the end, he was praising God again. That’s my example. I’m certainly still learning, but getting better.
    Jason Stasyszen recently posted..Recipe for ResentmentMy Profile

    • philip says:

      Why do they prosper and why am I going through these things? You definitely have to admire David being honest and then going from protest to praise. Great thoughts Jason, thank you!

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